I’m getting married this summer and my parents are paying for a huge chunk of the wedding costs.
My fiance and I have been saving up to contribute but his parents are refusing to pay for anything and it’s causing family arguments.
They’re taking the old-fashioned view that it’s the bride’s family who should pay for a wedding, but that just isn’t the case anymore and talking among my friends I’ve discovered that both sets of parents contribute nowadays.
But my fiance’s mum and dad won’t give us anything, despite the fact
they’re much better off than my parents who don’t have a lot of money to spare.
It also makes me cross that we’re having to use our savings to put towards the wedding when they could go to something more useful like our next house or having a baby in a few years.
Planning my wedding should be the happiest time of my life but instead it’s become a huge source of tension and everybody is arguing and feeling cross with each other.
What should I do?
First of all, planning a wedding is really stressful so don’t think everybody else breezes through it.
Weddings cause rows and tension and can bring out the worst in families, so you’re not alone. Secondly, I don’t think it’s your place to say anything to your fiance’s parents.
He’s the one who needs to sit down and have a chat with them to see if he can change their minds.
If you upset them they’ll hold it against you a lot longer than they’ll hold it against him, as he’s their son. So let him be the one to rock the boat.
I must say I agree with you – I think weddings nowadays are a group effort where everybody chips in.
It’s an old-fashioned view that it’s just the bride’s parents who foot the bill, and I think your fiance should tell his parents this. But at the end of the day they may still refuse to pay anything and if this is the case you have to let it go.
No matter how hard that is, or how much you resent them, don’t let it spoil your big day. Please don’t let it put a downer on what should be the happiest day of your life. Because your wedding day is about you and him spending the rest of your lives together.
Everything else, from the reception to the dress, is just in the background.
What’s important is you’re going into a marriage together.
However, if they do refuse to contribute then make sure they don’t get any say in the wedding at all!
That means none of their best friends are invited just because they want them there and they don’t get a say in the reception venue or what the flowers are like. No pay, no say!